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Apr. 17th, 2013

Little bird fly

I've decided I want to write about this because I feel its a big movement in my life,
I never would have thought a year ago that I would be sitting here studying welding,
Or being excited to tour a mill this weekend,
But I am.
I never thought after having been in the hair industry for so many years that I'd want to branch off and decide to start all over in a very, very different type of industry.

I guess I'd have to say, Its been exciting, and overwhelming all at once.
In December I went to VIU to discuss the idea of upgrading for Power Engineering,
After having several discussions with a much loved friend I decided to embark on a two year plan, and in turn move to Calgary in order to attend SAIT.
Upon meeting the counselor, She informed me that VIU was also beginning this new course,
Which was goo news, but she had no idea when the course started.
I got on the interest list and continued on my path toward SAIT.
I had to keep this from several people I worked with, especially my boss, And I hated how much of a mafia I felt like I was in, But my clients were encouraging, and I loved that.

In February I finally got some word what was happening and then found out that this $11,000 course was beginning in less than a month. And I thought I had more upgrading to do before then.
I believe I work better when I am absolutely THROWN into something,
And this was basically what happened.
As things took a huge downturn with an absolutely atrocious coworker,
I heard from VIU about my acceptance.

I've never liked salon life, it usually breeds an idea that being a rude and self serving jerk is the best way to be,
Now thats not true in all situations, There are lots that are not, but my most former employer seemed to thrive off the idea that as catty as you can be, do it.
And I hated that, its my belief that you should get somewhere off of your personality and ability to perform the tasks at hand, Not because your full of yourself and can convince others of it, Or that you have the ability to tell other people what would make them look better.
I know that is a fault of mine in this industry, But I honestly believed that said ideals would be more of an asset to the world than a downside. The truth of the fact is I never played the nasty bitch game well enough.

Which leads me to now, I'm really excited to be embarking on the road toward a career in Canada's Oil and Gas processing industry eventually, Once an Albertan always an Albertan and that just seems to run in my blood.
The idea of having  a career that challenge my mental ability .......

will finish this later

Jun. 5th, 2012


Seventy-seven percent of anti-abortion leaders are men. 100% of them will never be pregnant.

I considered making this into a facebook note, but didn't do so as I know Tons of stupid women on there,
Had their children against all logic, reason and good intentions for the children, but Jesus and god, they approve of that?
I have a severe amount of anger directed at stupid people like this, These are the same women I have seen for the last 5 years at parties, and acting like drunken messes at the bar.
And I think "I'm Pro- choice, and I've been responsible all my life for my own sexual health. I have never HAD to make the decision, but I know it is there for me. I've also never been such a fucking mess with my life, I've never acted like a drunken hose bag at the bar"
And then I think.... How is it, that they then change their tune a year later?
Will Jesus and the zombies forgive you if you get a abortion After you've had a baby?
Last May, I recall after the bar standing outside my friend's truck listening to two baby mamas discuss how many abortions they have had SINCE they had their baby.
How is it, if your using religion as a crutch, how is it possible that its ok to have the other babies aborted if having the first one aborted was wrong?
I only am thankful those drunken slobs DIDN'T Have more babies after the fact.

I also have a severe issue with the fact that, when adults plan to have a child, we think through EVERYTHING, including childcare, if you can support the child financially and emotionally. If you can continue school and still make life work once you add a baby to the equation. Teenagers and drunken idiots don't do this.
Yet my old high school has aprogram for these irresponsible idiots, they are provided with free childcare, separate from the other students and encouraged to use this.
As an adult, you are not granted such luxuries, you pay for childcare, and usually work full time at a crappy job most of the time to support said child.
My parents never did anything they wanted to, they still don't, you know why?
They still have kids... albet we are all almost adults, but they still put us first.
I believe in having the right to choose most of all, I've seen babies after they are aborted, and it fills you with a sad feeling, I don't feel like its something people should be running around using instead of a condom,
But life choices like that can be the biggest you ever make.
And the statistics are behind it, sorry to say, teens who choice to abort go on to do more with their life,
And thats just a fact.
Why are people so stupid about this?

I really hate seeing Pro- Life signs and ads all over, but they don't allow pro choice.
Where are my rights as a person when I have to hide that I am Pro choice,
Ultimately thats what you take away, having a baby or not, you take my right as a woman to choose whether or not I am ready to be a a mother away.
Thats My choice, I should never be bullied into having someone rely on me for the rest of my life until I am ready.

I looked up pro choice quotes and the results were about 12 times LESS than the pro life ones.
Which just sickens me.
I cannot stand self rightous religious idiots and they're backwards morals.
I hope zombie Jesus eats their faces.

I'm not pro-life, I'm pro-afterlife. Letting an innocent baby be born is the most heinous sin imaginable because then that baby is at risk of learning about the Word of God and becoming morally responsible for their inevitable sins. An abortion is a free pass to heaven. Aborting a baby is the greatest favor one can do because it guarantees that baby's soul will never have to face the torments of hell. The fact that abortion is a sin makes it all that much more noble. What greater altruism could there possibly be than to risk hell yourself in order to save someone else from it?"

Jan. 24th, 2012

Lost respect

I don't really believe in airing dirty laundry, as well as upsetting anyone intentionally.

I'm not a harmful or mean person, and I would sooner be kind to a stranger than ever being mean.

But I guess thats the difference between strangers and family.

Strangers, you put no stock into.

I expect nothing but the bare minimum from a perfect stranger,

But I also find it sad when strangers are better than sisters.

I think I've been wrong in my belief that its something bigger than just friendship.
Unlike some relationships, sisters are forever, Beyond romance, beyond parents,
Beyond the bond of pets or friendships.
There are very few people who will be with you Forever.
But sisters will be.
And I guess I am a fool to believe that my own sister views that bond the same as I do.
Our relationship ended today.
Sadly, I'm one to stick to my word.
And sadly I've lost my own sister to the stupidity that women suffer from most,
The neediness that lonely women seem to go through.
I'm sorry to air it, I'm just unsure how to collectively get these thoughts down.
When you jump from living with one "Fiance" to another in 4 months flat.
Your a needy stupid woman.
Who's incapable of feeling like a whole person alone.
Which my mother never raised us to be, Which is why it perplexes me.
Especially when your new "man" is about as manly as an 11 yr old boy.
With less of a future.
At least when you are 11, you have your life ahead of you.
Its just sad when you have nothing going for you at 23 except an air head of a girlfriend.

My sister never had to be responsible for herself.
My parents bought, paid the mortgage and ended up with an extra house they never wanted nor can they sell it because she wanted it. And they have a dog for that same reason.
They have credit card debt because of her as well.
I know, not shame on her, shame on them.
But to me, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is take money from my parents.
We are raised to make mature decisions, not abandon responsibilities when the tough gets going.
I've never leeched money off my younger sister for a car that I then "give" to my 11 yr old bf.
nor have I leeched money from a sister for clothing, utilities or my own personal bills.
If my little sister asked me, I would help her, I would do all I could to protect her.
Because thats how we are raised.

I've learned through all this,
I didn't respect you when you were 15 and decided to be as big of a slut as you could be.
I didn't respect you when you lost your license at 16 for being an idiot.
I didn't respect you when you dropped out of school in grade 10.
I didn't respect you when you were 18 and started dating a crack addict.
I didn't respect you when you moved in with your bf after 2 weeks.
I didn't respect you when you got mommy and daddy to buy you a trailer.
I didn't respect you when you HATED that trailer and needed mommy and daddy to buy you a new house without selling the old one.
I didn't respect you when you had to have a new man as soon as you broke up with your man.
I didn't respect you when you abandoned all the financial burdens on your parents and chased a man to a new city.
I didn't respect you when you got back together with your previous ex and bowed to his every demand like a wimpering puppy.
I didn't respect you when you broke up with him again.
I didn't respect you when you asked me for money for "our car" even though I don't drive.
I didn't respect you when you started dating a little boy.
I didn't respect you the day you decided that my feelings didn't matter anymore.
I don't respect you for embarking on a future failed marriage.
And the malice in me wishes you both the very worst.
But I wish more on him.
I wish you had not chosen a disgusting puke of a man that your whole family hates.
I hope you end up as alone as you've chosen to be.

I'm lucky to learn from all the things I find disgusting about you.
And I want to be better than you.
Because I am.
I've never failed in all the ways you did.
And as per your trend, will continue to fail.

Good riddance,

And good luck with the wedding, losers

Dec. 5th, 2011

Not you and I

She moved there to be with him,
You told me about it a few years ago,
How they were having the same troubles as we were,
How she was so far away and he was conflicted about her.
She lives with him now, her happy photos convey what we didn't have.
She lives with him, they did it.
The heartbreak it still causes me makes me more angry at you than I was before.
That could have been us,
That should have been us.
I still can't get over you,
Everytime I meet someone I find the comparison to you deeply rooted.
Your still all I want.
And I hate you so much for it.
And 4 years later, I still love you.
And no one else can take your spot,
It scares me. Because I'd still move there to be with you if you asked.
Because I want what they got.
I want to be like they are.

She moved there to be with him.

May. 20th, 2010

A conversation with my sister

Loisha" Andra's sister came to visit work today with her new baby and she asked me if I wanted to hold it which to me is weird I work for her sister I'm not really "Part of the family"
and I was kind of like
"I would...I'm just not THERE yet"
"Babies are all floppy, and I don't want to hold it wrong"
and she goes "how old are you...?"so I told her and she goes
"Oh yeah, that makes sense"

Loisha "I would not feel right if I held it wrong or something and something happened"
Loisha I mean if it was your kid I'd be like "fuck yeah, give me that child"
but its some almost random ladies baby and like I said they flop and wiggle and I'm not... fast enough to catch things" not that I'd drop your baby I'd just feel less bad if I did"
"then I'd pull a mom and prop it up on the counter with a plastic bag to play with CAUSE THATS SAFE"

" but seriously I felt like Jeff must have at that baby shower.
Because I was sitting in the back with Dave and Karla comes running in "The baby is here"
and I looked at Dave and said
"I'm supposed to go see it now aren't I?" and he goes
"I'm pretty sure thats what your supposed to do. It'd be polite" and I'm like
"I don't know this baby! how is it polite for him to be stared at by some chick who knows nothing about babies except HOW to make them"

Aug. 26th, 2008

A funny MAC story

You know you have a problem when.
I was in the Victoria BC MAC store the other day,
And I had an MA who was really nice, and she was really helpful,
I really liked her. I have to say, she was probably the best MA I have been around for a long time.

Anyways, I went specifically to get stuff from Cult or Cherry,
And I have to say, none of the new products in that collection impressed me.
I ended up getting all the basics that I never originally bought(I jumped right into brights when I started)
Anyways, I asked the MA if they still had Lacquer's(I recently started lusting after those colors)
I'm pretty sure they are discontinuing them right? But I figured that since they're still up on the site I would see them at the MAC.
I felt bad cause the MA had NO idea what they were when I asked her about them.

And when she said that, I felt old.
I've been into MAC since I was 14, and now I'm 19.
I remember the first collection I ever saw was Madame B.
(looking back now, I wish I'd bought all of that collection)

Has anyone else ever experienced having more knowledge of MAC than an MA?
There were other girls at this MAC and they were so clueless, on had to ask what the Plushglasses were.
I always think "when I get to a city where there is a MAC, I would be so good at that job, I know about it all already"
I'm just rambling.

I ordered brushes from Coastal Scents, and I gotta say,
I'm not happy with how long their shipping takes.
In fact I'm pissed off now.
Seriously, they can ship to Australia in 8 days but not Canada?!?!

Heres a photo of me!

I want my hair back!
Its not really as short as it looks in the photos, its swept to one side.

Jan. 19th, 2008

Its morbidly gorgeous

After we had torn out each other's ribs,
And put them back.
After we had juggled thigh bones and knee caps,
And tossed each other's skulls at friends,
After we had sucked each others blood,
And spat it out,
after we had sucked each others blood
And swallowed it, licking our lips,
After the betrayals and imagined betrayals.
After you left me in the snow,
And I left you in the rain,
We both came back.
After staying together out of lust,
Out of fear, and out of laziness,
We find ourselves entangled in each other's arms,
Grown into each other like Siamease twins,
Embedded in each other like ingrown toenails,
And for the first time,
Wanting each other only.

Dec. 1st, 2007


I love Flight of the Conchords

I'd marry either one of these men, ha ha

Jun. 27th, 2007

Diary. By Chuck Palahniuk

June 21--
The Three-Quarter Moon

Today a man called from Long Beach. He left a long message on the answering machine, mumbling and shouting, talking fast and slow, swearing and threatening to call the police, to have you arrested.

Today is the longest day of the year--but anymore, every day is.

The weather today is increasing concern followed by full-blown dread.

The man calling from Long Beach, he says his bathroom is missing.

June 22

By the time you read this, you'll be older than you remember.

The official name for your liver spots is hyperpigmented lentigines. The official anatomy word for a wrinkle is rhytide. Those creases in the top half of your face, the rhytides plowed across your forehead and around your eyes, this is dynamic wrinkling, also called hyperfunctional facial lines, caused by the movement of underlying muscles. Most wrinkles in the lower half of the face are static rhytides, caused by sun and gravity.

Let's look in the mirror. Really look at your face. Look at your eyes, your mouth.

This is what you think you know best.

Your skin comes in three basic layers. What you can touch is the stratum corneum, a layer of flat, dead skin cells pushed up by the new cells under them. What you feel, that greasy feeling, is your acid mantle, the coating of oil and sweat that protects you from germs and fungus. Under that is your dermis. Below the dermis is a layer of fat. Below the fat are the muscles of your face.

Maybe you remember all this from art school, from Figure Anatomy 201. But then, maybe not.

When you pull up your upper lip--when you show that one top tooth, the one the museum guard broke--this is your levator labii superioris muscle at work. Your sneer muscle. Let's pretend you smell some old stale urine.

Imagine your husband's just killed himself in your family car. Imagine you have to go out and sponge his piss out of the driver's seat. Pretend you still have to drive this stinking rusted junk pile to work, with everyone watching, everyone knowing, because it's the only car you have.

Does any of this ring a bell?

When a normal person, some normal innocent person who sure as hell deserved a lot better, when she comes home from waiting tables all day and finds her husband suffocated in the family car, his bladder leaking, and she screams, this is simply her orbicularis oris stretched to the very limit.

That deep crease from each corner of your mouth to your nose is your nasolabial fold. Sometimes called your "sneer pocket." As you age, the little round cushion of fat inside your cheek, the official anatomy word is malar fat pad, it slides lower and lower until it comes to rest against your nasolabial fold--making your face a permanent sneer.

This is just a little refresher course. A little step-by-step.

Just a little brushing up. In case you don't recognize yourself.

Now frown. This is your triangularis muscle pulling down the corners of your orbicularis oris muscle.

Pretend you're a twelve-year-old girl who loved her father like crazy.

You're a little preteen girl who needs her dad more than ever before. Who counted on her father always to be there. Imagine you go to bed crying every night, your eyes clamped shut so hard they swell.

The "orange peel" texture of your chin, these "popply" bumps are caused by your mentalis muscle. Your "pouting" muscle. Those frown lines you see every morning, getting deeper, running from each corner of your mouth down to the edge of your chin, those are called marionette lines. The wrinkles between your eyebrows, they're glabellar furrows.

The way your swollen eyelids sag down is called ptosis. Your lateral canthal rhytides, your "crow's-feet," are worse every day and you're only twelve fucking years old for God's sake.

Don't pretend you don't know what this is about.

This is your face.

Now, smile--if you still can.

This is your zygomatic major muscle. Each contraction pulls your flesh apart the way tiebacks hold open the drapes in your living room window. The way cables pull aside a theater curtain, your every smile is an opening night. A premiere. You unveiling yourself.
MoreCollapse )

Jun. 19th, 2007

Fucking Hell Ryan Adams

In defense of men, we're not all players. There are romantics who don't think about panty lines and don't talk shit about women. Some of us like to wake up early, have sex, and dream about the next encounter throughout the day. Men who are too afraid to talk about feelings are men who will never know real love and have probably never seen a woman pee in front of them before.
But you know, I moved to New York follow my heart. I tend to be an easy heart, and I snapped just like that. I mean, I love my friends that hard, so obviously I'm going to love someone I'm involved with that hard. I just don't always pick the right people. But when it's right it's right, and anyone who doesn't believe in intense all-consuming love is playing it safe. And who wants to go through life playing it fucking safe? More people need some fucking adventure to their lives. So concerned about what who is gonna think. You only live once. It's your life. Grab it by the balls you know? People don't do that anymore. People fucking, they fucking are slackers. They want everything you're supposed to have, but they don't wanna do what it takes to get it. They hide behind the fact that crazy spontaneous gestures of love only exists in the movies. And that's bullshit. Somewhere along the line, the words in that movie and the crazy leap of faith, were ideas in a real person's head. Dreaming is good. Making them a reality without second-guessing yourself. That shit is better.
Girls aren't idiots like guys are. Girls don't sit around worrying about stupid shit all day. They are emotional. They feel things. Now I'm not saying that men need to start crying at Folger coffee commercials, but would it kill em? That's all I'm saying.
There's a great quote, and I can't think of it, but it's like, 'All men owe it to themselves to live an extraordinary life.'
I can relate though, I get in a relationship, and I'm like, whoa, and I go through all the dynamics of it, and then I have a rock life, and it seems like the perception is that rock life negates normalcy. I crave things to be normal more. I don't crave more drama, because I have it, or more partying, because it's inherent. But then you always think the dream is going to come collapsing down, and whoever you love is going to take that love away, because you can't do normal shit like go to the movies or buy groceries. And then sometimes it gets really hard, and your head gets caught in it, and the first thing that I want to do is decompress, and to talk about something normal like, 'do you reallly think I made a mistake by getting those three spider plants? Who will water them?' But by then it's too late, cause you haven't been calling your girlfriend enough to tell her you love her and say all the sappy shit you're supposed to (or feel). So instead of getting to talk about what type of laundry detergent you're supposed to use or share the story about the weird guy at the bar last night. You find yourself on the phone getting yelled at by the one person you really just wanted to talk to. It's madness man.

The excesses of romance make sense to me. Like, I can meet someone and immiedately vibe with them and feel love and feel close enough to care, and I can be very protective and overzealous about it. Then sometimes I'll reflect onto myself while I'm doing these things, and I'll realize I'm at my shit worst. Like, heart on chain, dragging through the mud with ice cream cone and sand behind me. I actually love things so much it kills me. It drives me absolutely mad, and I can't find a place to get jaded. I mean, I've had a succession of romantic downfalls in my life, and yet I don't ever find the jaded part. I don't think, I'm just gonna wait around and see if things will be okay, and maybe this'll all pan out, and maybe the truth will come to me in a week. I never accept that, it has to be immediate. I won't accept less, and if I can't have the immediacy then I invent the myth of why it isn't there.

I moved to New York, because I met a girl. And I fell in love with her. And I didn't want to live another minute without being able to see her whenever I wanted, because I'm a selfish prick that way. But sometimes you gotta be proactive, man. You gotta take what you want, otherwise you might not get it. And you'll be the lonely bastard at the bar, either alone or chained to someone you settled for, aching for that one you let slip away because you were too much of a pussy to throw caution to the wind.

That's my philosophy on love. Move. Take a chance. Have babies. Don't ever settle for less than anything you want. But don't ever let a motherfucker take you for granted.

Go for it, besides...nothing beats living in New York.

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